How To Stop Being A People Pleaser
Updated: Feb 1
How often have you experienced overwhelming feelings and a never-ending to-do list? And, mostly for others and not yourself? There is so much to do that you end up feeling overwhelmed and like a dog chasing its tail, accomplishing nothing. I am guilty of doing this, and it has taken some major self-compassion for me to realise that life is not meant to be a constant state of busyness or being a people pleaser.
Here are a few tips to help you stop being a people pleaser
People-pleasers frequently lack awareness of the limits they must establish in their own life. But you can begin by becoming aware of your actions.
It may seem challenging at first, but it's crucial that you begin to pay attention to what is occurring and recognise what needs to change. Make a list of the things you now do, such as getting coffee for a coworker, that make you feel sad or used, and rank them in order of significance, placing the most important items at the top.
You won't feel the need to compromise who you are by using this straightforward technique. Setting boundaries enables you to refuse requests from people who are abusing your time or asking for assistance. Keep in mind that you are not being selfish; rather, you just have enough self-assurance in who you are to realise that it is acceptable not to always comply with requests.
The first rule is to set limits and develop your ability to refuse. Stop trying to please everyone; it won't help you in the long run. Wanting to take care of yourself and have fun is not being selfish.
Keep in mind that you can't win everyone over
It is a bitter pill to swallow, but you have to accept the fact that not everyone will be pleased with you. Because everyone has unique demands, it is simple to understand that you cannot always please everyone. Someone may become angry or offended if you behave in a certain way to appease one person.
Instead, make an effort to behave honestly so that those who like you for who you are will do the same.
Don't be afraid to speak your mind
This can be hard, but you are entitled to have your own beliefs and opinions. I've been called all sorts of names for standing up for my rights on social media during COVID (I refused to take the injectable), but I took it all with a grain of salt. In particular one person called me a 'dog' but I took that as a compliment because dogs are great creatures.
Use constructive self-talk
Build up your resolve with empowering self-talk if you begin to feel overburdened or tempted to give in. Continually remind yourself that you deserve time to yourself. You shouldn't feel pressured to spend time and energy on things that don't make you happy because your goals are vital.
Don't worry about what other people think about you
Worrying about what other people think about you is a waste of an emotion if you ask me. Who are they to judge you, and why should you care what they think? Be confident and love yourself for who you are. Because you are fabulous!
Look after your wellbeing
Everyone can find time to take care of oneself. Consider the times you've travelled and the flight attendant has always told you to put your mask on first before assisting others. Why? Since you won't be able to assist others if you can't breathe. The same is true of your daily activities. You must be healthy if you're like me and want to enjoy as much of life as you can while you're here on Earth.
The following, I've discovered, has aided my wellbeing:
Meditate for five minutes anytime I need to. In all honesty, 5 minutes is not much time, and you can certainly pause and take 5 minutes to unwind.
While driving, listen to motivational and instructional podcasts. How much you actually take in while doing this will amaze you.
Purchase an essential oil infuser so you may produce lovely scents while working. Frankincense is my favourite since I find it motivating.
Everyone needs vitamin D, so spend five minutes outside (you can meditate).
Visit the botanical gardens or go for a walk in the park.
Create a little herb garden, terrariums or a vegetable patch.
Do not succumb to what other people expect of you; instead, learn to say no.
Be present and grateful, for instance, while you are walking your dog. Be thankful for all the good things you have right now, including your dog, the ability to walk, your vision, and the lovely trees and flowers you can see.
Make a habit of keeping a gratitude journal or send a lovely card to someone to express your thanks.
Do Not Offer Excuses
When you say "no," it's crucial to be firm and to refrain from citing other commitments or offering an explanation. When you begin defending why you are unable to perform a task, you open the door for criticism from those around you. Alternately, you can be allowing them to change their request so that you can still comply with it.
When you say no to something, try to be firm without going into needless detail about your justification. Remember that the word "no" is a full sentence.